Friday, 6 April 2012

I Wanna Girl!!
I can't help it.

Hubby knows and understands. But I feel the need to talk about it more than I think he feels the need to hear about it (!!) so I'm blogging this out to you because sometimes I just need to shout out.



I was 37 when I had Tallen, now four, and I had Nate, almost two, when I was 39. For one of those inexplicable reasons, I figured somewhere between the two pregnancys odds would be that I'd end up with a son and a daughter.

Why would I think that?

I was so convinced, in fact, that my second pregnancy was a girl that Hubby and I chose a girls name (Macy) and I listened eagerly to all those pregnancy commentators amongst my friends and family who told me "it's a girl this time, I can tell". It wasn't helped by the fact that Hubby and I decided this time to say 'no' whenever we were asked if we wanted to know the sex, and I went through the entire pregnancy quietly convinced that it was different to my first. I felt different, the bump was different. It HAD to be a girl.

And then along came little Natey Noodle, number two son and very definitely not a girl.

It should go without saying (I'll say it anyway) but I love my two sons with more love than I ever knew I was capable of and I felt nothing but ridiculous levels of happiness when each of them were born. Okay, and sore and knackered too.

Doesn't stop me wishing I had a little girl too though.

Problem is, I'm now 41 - at that age when high blood pressure and higher risk of birth defects becomes something your Midwife or Doctor will need to discuss with you. I wonder if I could actually go through it all again, much as I want, with the higher risks that might be involved.

We're also at a time in our lives when we're growing our small business and renovating our home. Cashflow is, at times, very tight. Hubby and I have talked about next year, or the year after. When we're more financially stable. And I know money, or lack of it, shouldn't be a factor when having children but truth is, it is a factor. Especially once you get on to a third. Or a fourth. Damn those school fees!

"But then, so's your age a factor" that little voice inside my head says "and the clock is ticking".

I could, of course, also give birth to a third son instead. I can't shop for a daughter so there's no way of knowing.

But can I just imagine, for a few minutes, that I could know.

Bizarrely, pink is the first thing that springs to mind when I think of having a little girl. And I mean the colour, not the singer. Who knew I was so indoctrinated in the whole 'pink for a girl, blue for a boy' crap!

Having said it's crap, I do imagine some level of pinkdom and girlyness in my house, currently devoid of such, if a little girl were to live there. Even though I also imagine giving her a short, cute pixie haircut and letting her climb trees with the boys at the same time as imagining ribbons and bows. Clearly, I'm a bit confused!

AAH! Too ... much ... pink. Can't ... breathe ...
Not too much pinkdom. You Mum's who go pink crazy with your little girls, you know who you are. But just to have a hint of pink, some girly stuff, dolls and dresses, sparkles and glitter, make up and hair bits.

Choosing Dora the Explorer over Bob the Builder, Powerpuff Girls over Spiderman, flowers over skulls and dinosaurs. *sigh*. There's just too much Testosterone in my house at times.

And I imagine the future too, raising a teenage daughter. Advising on the girly stuff and revealing the secrets of womanhood (my sistas). Passing on beauty tips, wiping the tears, hearing about boys and sharing books, movies, music, views, clothes, perfume.

I want to teach her to be strong and street wise. To love herself and her body and to be smart enough to avoid the pitfalls a young woman can find herself coming across in life. To be sexy and confident enough to own that sexuality and never feel she has to flaunt it or give it up freely.

Most importantly, I want her to realise her own worth. To have value in herself, not just her looks, and to enter the world knowing she has the power, the beauty, the intelligence and the courage to be or do anything she chooses.

Ah me. I have this all planned.

One consolation, although geographically far away in the UK, I have two very beautiful little nieces. Seemingly in an attempt by nature to address the sex balance in our family, my younger brother and his wife have two girls. If they were closer, I would be a true doting Aunt and I'd take all my pink urges and girly outings out on them quite happily.

As it is, I'm left with my sensible head "you still have time, be daft to get pregnant again now" and that other little, slightly whiny voice that comes from my heart "but I wanna girrrrrl!".

Oh shush you, I'm enjoying my boys. I have a different view in raising them, a different influence. And besides, sometimes it is lovely to be the only lady in a house of boys, they spoil me so.

If that little whiny voice inside my head continues, watch out my sons. You may find yourselves being dressed in pink and wearing a Dora backpack to school sometime soon.


  1. Ah mate :) Not going to pretend it isn't great having a girl too, because it is - and the hair bits and the pretty stuff around is lovely. But, being entirely selfish, I feel better launching my girl into the world knowing that there are people like you who will teach their boys what real girls are like. And, since I am fairly hopeless with advice about beauty or boys, or anything else really - apart from WWII based homework - I can relax, knowing that the Wise and Mighty Weezafish is on hand for my girly, even if just by the miracle of the interweb.
    I realise this doesn't help you much - but at least I feel better! (I'm joking).
    Love you dude xxx
    p.s. feel free to delete this stooopid comment.

    1. Ah, love you too dude. I will teach my boys how to love the ladies nice! And You lady, strong, intelligent and bootiful is the only shining example that gorgeous daughter of yours needs. And this comment is not stooopid. So there xx

  2. Up until our gender scan, i was CONVINCED I was having a little girl. I had EVERY symptom from EVERY old wives tale ever told. But one the tech turned the monitor to show me my son, spread eagle... I almost felt guilty. For a moment, time froze and I thought, "Oh no." I obviously got used to the idea of having a little boy (something I'm SO happy with now).. but I was certain that the moment he was born, the second my hubby and I could start bangin' again, we'd work for little Charlie. (the name we picked out for her.. when we thought....) Well, Pregnancy and delivery ended up being a little bit of a life threatening nightmare.. I'm currently battling with two annoying little whiny voices inside my head: get to bangin' and bring Luca a little sister and, you really want to do that again? Now that I've ranted... I WILL say... ugh. Those little voices never shut up. I think I'll just learn to sing with them instead.

    1. Hi thanks for commenting, LOVE your writing feels like a celebrity comment lol. Charlie and Luca are lovely names.
      We must be grateful for what we have hey? Love those little boys. I've thought about adopting later too, there's all sorts of options running around in my head. All legal I hasten to add and nothing involving kidnapping :)

  3. I wanted a girl because I was terrified of a boy! I know what to expect with a girl but a boy? How do you clean their junk anyway?? But from the moment I found out I was pregnant I just kept telling myself it was a boy so I would be prepared either way... I didn't want to feel disappointment on such a momentous occasion! But it was a girl and after reading this post and these comments, I'll never take those pretty dresses or hair ribbons for granted!

    1. Aw, pretty dresses and hair ribbons. Boys can be scary, it's true. And they run away when I try and brush their hair!

  4. "But I feel the need to talk about it more than I think he feels the need to hear about it (!!) so I'm blogging this out to you because sometimes I just need to shout out."

    I COMPLETELY understand and appreciate this sentiment. I suffer from this ailment a LOT.

    1. Boys, born with limited capacity to take in information. Especially when watching TV. Seeee?! Girls are way cooler.

  5. Late to this party. Sorry . . .

    The hubs and I were convinced with both kids that they were girls. Well, the first we were convinced . . . then shocked to find out it was a boy. The second, we were hopeful it was a girl. I cried when the ultrasound tech told me it was a boy. I'm a bit ashamed of that, because I love that boy with everything in me, but I was sad in that moment. I love both of my boys. And I consoled myself by saying "well, I'll never have to deal with a teenaged girl, which is something my mother cursed me about when I was a teen - I CAN'T WAIT UNTIL YOU HAVE A GIRL! Ha, you lose mom."

    And I kept saying I was done. I mean, I'm 37. That's too old to have more babies, right? I didn't even really want the ones I have, to be honest. (I mean when I was young. I wanted them when we planned to have them). Plus, like you, there are serious money issues. And space issues. So I was done. Right? Then . . . no less than 3 people this week were talking about me having babies, including my hubs. He knows we are done, but he would love to have lots more . . . in theory. He said "but how will I ever give my daughter away?" to which I said "give a son." Although, I know with my luck I would have another boy. But sometimes I miss the pink, too. I really miss the possibility of ever buying dresses for my child. Doing a mommy/daughter spa day. Teaching her how to be a woman. There is a lot of boy in this house. But I'm done, right? Right . . . ?

    1. Right! Are we done? Maybe we should all get dolls, that would be weird though huh :)


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