Wednesday, 30 January 2013

If Men and Women are Equal: Let Young Hearts Run Free

This post (right here) that I sit down to write, is inspired by others. I've read many posts recently that seem to ponder on the same subject, namely - what is the best way to have a happy and successful modern day loving relationship.

Clearly Made for Each Other
And I add the phrase 'Modern Day' because that seems to be part of the issue of confusion, that we feel that to evolve and better we must always change.

So where is the Loving Relationship now, in 2013?

I have read posts recently on Polygamy and Polyamory (former meaning married to many, latter meaning loving many) and Cheating being on the rise and even accepted and I have been intrigued by some of the comments and opinions.

(All darned good posts too btw if you have the time to read, by writers I know and love).

Especially intrigued, as I live in Africa where Polygamy is considered an outdated, sexist tradition currently being fought against by many African women.

Our President has five wives and at last count, twenty one children FFS!

Despite this, it would seem there is a growing thought elsewhere in the world that as we struggle so at times with fidelity and not wanting others outside of our relationships, we should consider the possibility that humans were not meant to mate for life.

I disagree, although I do understand why our very common and obvious struggles as human folk to find our partner in life and then be happy with that partner for a lifetime, would lead a train of thought this way.

Many girls would think "oh yeah, that's great for all those guys that can't stay faithful". And some, who have rebelled against our perceived differences and now consider themselves as adventurous and as free in their relationships as their male counterparts, would agree with the guys who are currently all for a change in general acceptance of someone having many partners.

But can we just dig a little deeper before we all run off and have fun without any commitment?

I've read posts by Mum's on the differences of the sexes recently and the growing awareness amongst parents worldwide, that the way we bring up our children has much to do with our differences and struggles to relate as adults.

And I wondered ....

How are we supposed to relate to each other? There's millions of different types of people in this world each with their own needs and wants, but is there a natural way we are supposed to be behaving in our relationships or can we all just 'mess around' trying to figure it out?

Let's start with our babies ...

Whether you're a parent, or you just relate here to your parents, we all can recognise that as a rule - girls and boys are raised differently.

The question is, should they be? Are we, in fact, doing our children a disservice in doing so?

From the minute we laugh at our little baby boys, playing with themselves during nappy changes (or any other chance they get) - we find ourselves telling our little girls off for doing the exact same, totally natural thing and telling them it's rude instead.

But they're both Looking see ..!
Why do we do that? Is it simply because we don't want our girls bringing home babies? Sounds a bit harsh, but think on for a sec. In protecting our daughters from unwanted pregnancy at a young age, are we inadvertently making their lives a lot more difficult then they are supposed to be?

And let's think for a minute - could THAT difference in attitude by our parents in our childhoods, be the reason most women have such different views to most men about sex and relationships? Seems too simple huh?

But we do raise our girls to be Princesses, to hold on to their virginity until they find their Prince and yet we shy away from talking to them about relationships and about their sexuality. We just tell them to watch out for the boys!

Naturally of course, our girls have sexual urges and a want to experiment just as much as our boys do. So why do we feel we need to try and curb this? How do we think this is going to help their relationships in the future? Because it puts them at complete loggerheads, not even on the same page, as their male counterparts. Yay us (meaning humankind in general) sending them out with all the tools they need to be happy in life. Not.

Boys are raised with a much freer hand. To sow their oats and have fun and DON'T get tied down too young. Use contraception, don't 'get a girl pregnant' but go, enjoy. No biggy, you're just young.

Is it any surprise that young men and women as a rule struggle to find a happy point in life where they can relate to each other, when we're raising the two sexes so far apart from each other?

And why don't we teach our kids about love and relationships?

Sex Ed at school is all "the pointy bit goes in the hole" and preventing pregnancy and STD's. Little, if any, lessons are taught about how to love, or about different kinds of relationships.

Should we be teaching our kids about love? About friendships, casual relationships, sex only affairs, one night stands, Booty calls and Friends with Benefits AS WELL as the Happy Ever After?! And if we're teaching our boys about 'just having fun and experiencing life' when they're young, do we not owe our daughters the same freedom?

Would we not, as humans, relate much better if we were raised a little more in tune with each other? Hmm. I think so!

Going back to the articles I read recently on the NEW and modern way to love, how folk are accepting that maybe they weren't meant to be with only one. That maybe it's okay to just keep looking, to keep experimenting and to even be with more than one partner at a time - I can't help but wonder if this current line of thinking is just a backlash to our unbalanced upbringings.

Young girls are cheesed off that guys have always had the freedom to love many and experiment and explore many a relationship, while they are expected to remain chaste and wait for 'the one'.

And I can't say I blame them, but can we just PUT THE BRAKES ON A MINUTE PLEASE (phew, thanks) and consider the consequences of a backlash like this.

If we go too far the wrong way, we will pull ourselves (as men and women, or women and women, or men and men - there's no boundaries here at WeezaFish) even further apart surely?

True equality must mean that we all learn about contraception and STD's, but that we also all learn about SEX and LOVE and how much darn fun it all is. Take away the expectations of 'The One' at a young stage in life, and it's all a lot more fun and stress free I can tell you.

I had a recent 'AHA' moment while discussing the subject of Polygamy and Polymory with Hubby, as he recounted his tales of his youth and experiences.

Like most young guys, he was taught about condoms and sent out into the world with a sense of adventure and excited anticipation about the women he was going to meet and relate to in life.

How much fun does that sound?! Here was me, at the same age, all worried about 'over sexed' boys and trying to keep myself pure until I knew 'he really cared' or 'was for real'.

The idea of just getting out there and having fun and experimenting was nothing I remember EVER being suggested to ME in my teens. Ha!

Love? Kids? Naaah, these guys aren't ready yet!
Through Hubbys late teens, twenties and early thirties he travelled much and met many, many different ladies. Dated some, had brief flings with others. Moved in with a few, married one - regretted it, and then divorced.

Always honest about where he was at (or thought he was at the time), always used condoms (!) and do you know what? By the time he was thirty-five he'd "had enough".

Had enough experiences, had enough different kinds of relationships with different kinds of women. Now he knew exactly what he wanted and he was ready to settle down.

I don't know about you dear hearts, but that way of life makes a lot more sense to ME (who didn't even try to settle down either until I was 36) than this idea that we are not made to be with one person and should give up on the idea of commitment altogether.

I don't think we're meant to be with one person our whole lives, and I don't think we're supposed to be making any plans to settle down when we're young. But having gone out and lived our Youths to the fullest, I do think we're then supposed to settle down and try and make a family. That family can be whatever works for you, but if we don't make families there's no more humans huh? Can't get more natural than that.
'Famille Ideal' :)

And if we are allowed, both sexes without judgement, to go out fully informed and with a pocket full of condoms in our younger years then you know what? I think many of us would come to the same conclusion at around the same time of life my Hubby did.

Not all of us, sure. There's folk out there who will Swing well into their nineties BUT for most of us, I think if we had a more fulfilling experience of relationships in our lives, we'd settle easier when the time came.

Of course, what do I know? But this IS my blog, and waffle opinionated on it I shall .... :)

What do YOU think? I'd love to know.