Positive Parenting: Saying Yes!

Since having my two boys, I have found myself becoming an advocate (in my own home and Social Media pages at least) of 'Positive Parenting'. Being that style of parenting that tries to focus on gentle guidance rather than punishment and critique.

Easy it certainly is not, but then no parenting - whatever your style, is. I've decided that my blog is another place, aside from my own home, that I can increase my advocacy so here's a light little starter post.

Back to School: Ready or Not

Don't tell anyone, but speaking as a Mum of young boys, I'm not quite ready for 'Back to School'.

Anyone else with me? No? All you Mums out there over excited at the thought of getting your days back? Eagerly pushing your little bearers of over laden back-packs out the door? Uhuh.

I've packed their bags. Written their names on the labels of their new clothes and rinsed out their drinking bottles, which have been lingering in the back of a kitchen cupboard all Summer.

Our boys Pre school opens on Wednesday and it's my youngest boy Nate's first day. I am thus far definitely finding it harder than him. In fact, harder than when his older brother Tallen started and much harder than I thought it would be also.

Christmas Toy Review: Anything Broken Already?

My Boys Tallen (5) and Nate (2) were very lucky boys this year. They deserved to be spoilt a bit it has to be said, they haven't always been. But Hubby and I's Playground Business grew from strength to strength last year and thankfully looks like it will continue to do so.

It was great on Christmas Eve, wrapping done, to look at the pile of pressies under the tree and little bits still to be stuffed in stockings and imagine the whoops and smiles and cries of "Look what I Got!!" after years of struggling to get them anything much at all some years.

And I was so amazed that as of today, some two whole days later, most of their new toys are intact. Well, we are missing a few accessory type teeny things, but all in all the new batch of toys are doing well against the onslaught of two small but surprisingly destructive little fellas.

I thought I'd give you my review of their (er, and my) top favourites. You know, in case you have a Birthday coming up or something. And you have any money left after Christmas!

Being a Parent is Tough: But Today I'm Having Fun!

** SPECIAL NOTE: I wrote this post months ago, wanted to post it over the weekend and then the completely mind numbingly atrocious shootings in Connecticut happened and like a lot of us, I didn't feel like being online or posting (or tweeting) much.

Today feels right, and with much love to all who were affected I give you:

Being a Parent is Tough, But Today I'm having Fun!

Feeling Broody? Laugh it Off

That's a bit of an odd title hey? Oh, hang on - I wrote that.

It'll all make sense in a paragraph or so! Actually, it won't make sense until the very end of this post. So keep reading y'awl.

Yes, you guessed it. This is another one of those posts that isn't really a post. It's just a means to send you off on a tangent of links, opening new tabs and windows all over the place but hopefully not annoying the hell out of you too much at the same time.

I know, I know.

The second I hit 'Publish' on this baby, I am writing a proper post. About something very, very interesting. And very, very important. Oh hell, I have no idea to be honest but as often stands me in good stead in life - I'll just make it up as I go along and hope for the best. *grinning earnestly at you*

The Best Kids Movies: According to My Two Year Old

I love movies, Hubby loves movies. I see the sense in not letting your kids watch movies all day long. I see the sense in not letting your kids do anything all day long to be honest, but I don’t see the sense in not letting them have their own movies, age appropriate, that they love to watch.

My two year old Nate, like most two year olds, is fickle and quick to change his likes and dislikes. By next month, things will be different but RIGHT NOW, these are his Top Five Kids Movies (from our aging home collection), based on how often he asks for them when it’s his turn to choose at movie time and probably has a lot to do with bright colours and funny little characters. He is only two.

I’ve listed the movie names in ‘Toddler Speak’ as Nate himself asks for them. Translations, when needed, in brackets.

In reverse order, naturally.

What's Your Kids Bedtime Routine?

WARNING!! Mummy post alert!

I'm intrigued. We have a bedtime routine in our house, does everyone else? I'm not sure where it came from, or if my siblings and I also had one, but pleased and possibly smug sounding to report - it's working well.

Both our boys had turned two, youngest Nate recently, when we decided it was time for them to have 'Big Beds'. And the move from cot to bed made it seem apparent that it was also the right time to get them used to going to sleep by themselves. 'Self Soothing' as my UK NHS mothers manual used to call it.

Are some of you shocked? Reading back to make sure I said age two? It's apparently possible for a newborn baby to learn to self soothe, and it's all about teaching them early the 'correct' sleep associations, meaning the things your baby associates with going to sleep and therefore perceives it needs to do so. 'Correct' sleep association tools would be a bottle of milk, a teddy bear, a blanket. 'Incorrect' sleep association tools are, er ... well Mummy and Daddy apparently. If you cuddle and rock your baby to sleep, then your baby will perceive that they need you to do so. I remember dire warnings from the midwife and in bold in the manual something like "the longer you leave teaching your child, the harder it will be. ROCK YOUR CHILD TO SLEEP AND MAKE A ROD FOR YOUR OWN BACK!!!"

THEY'RE DRUGGING MY CHILD???!! Oh, no .. it's okay. False Alarm.

Four year old Tallen told a WHOPPA last night. Little tyke. On a serious and, very sadly for some, very real subject. It both amazed me, and made me giggle, how far as parents we had to take it to ensure we got to the truth of the matter.

Tallen's been poorly of late, there's a bug going around at school that seems to have hit him twice now. Lots of coughing and snot (always a joy) and he's not been sleeping well for a couple of nights bless him.

So it wasn't too surprising then that yesterday, for the second day in a row, the little chap came home from school looking way tired, like he was ready to drop. But he's still young enough to need a nap in the afternoon, he's poorly. I wasn't unduly concerned until Hubby commented on it.

http://www.flickr.com/

Hubby: "He looks drugged. Have you seen his eyes?"
Me: "I know! He looks exhausted shame, all bloodshot"

Hubby's still looking concerned.

Hubby: "You think they've given him something at school? To calm him down? That's the second day he's come home from school with eyes like that. It happens, you hear about it" (boys always want a conspiracy, so funny)
Me: "You mean like they've given him some medicine to dope him because he was being hectic at school or something and they couldn't handle it? But he's a good boy at school, only we experience the full Tallen Tantrum"

I Wanna Girl!!

http://www.thesimpsons.com/

I can't help it.

Hubby knows and understands. But I feel the need to talk about it more than I think he feels the need to hear about it (!!) so I'm blogging this out to you because sometimes I just need to shout out.

"I WANT A GIRL!!!"

Ahem.

I was 37 when I had Tallen, now four, and I had Nate, almost two, when I was 39. For one of those inexplicable reasons, I figured somewhere between the two pregnancys odds would be that I'd end up with a son and a daughter.

Why would I think that?

I was so convinced, in fact, that my second pregnancy was a girl that Hubby and I chose a girls name (Macy) and I listened eagerly to all those pregnancy commentators amongst my friends and family who told me "it's a girl this time, I can tell". It wasn't helped by the fact that Hubby and I decided this time to say 'no' whenever we were asked if we wanted to know the sex, and I went through the entire pregnancy quietly convinced that it was different to my first. I felt different, the bump was different. It HAD to be a girl.

You Definitely Cannot Eat Off My Kitchen Floor

** WARNING!! MUMMY POST ABOUT POO!! **

The nearly two year old, Natey Noodle, is potty training. At least he would be potty training, if it were up to me. But he's a strong willed little chap and, as it turns out, it's actually entirely up to him.

Nate's not a fan of the potty. He instead favours the running-around-naked-hoping-to-make-it-to-the-toilet-in-time method of training. And it was in this state that he announced to me earlier that he "had poo Mummy" as he ran passed me on his way to the bathroom. I followed in hot pursuit, and after much wriggling and some distraction ("look, my shampoo") we eventually scored with a peanut sized deposit in the bowl.

The Kids Wanna Say "Hi"

I think I need to relax my Privacy Settings a little, often something is heard or said in our house and followed by the comment "you should put that on your blog". They don't end up on here because I find it hard to put our conversations into type without including names and I've tended so far to keep my kids names and faces off the blog.

Hubby is just that, Hubby. He likes the anonymity. I think he imagines my blog to be more widely read, hopes people somewhere are wondering "who is that awesome sounding Hubby fella on WeezaFish's blog???" Maybe one day baby!

The kids up until now have been referred to by age only, the four-year-old and the nearly-two-year-old. Bit of a mouthful.

Childhood Re-Memories

Is rememory a word? You can remember, can you have a rememory? I could look it up, but I think I'll just claim it as my word for now. Until someone else says otherwise.

One of the things I love about being a Mum, is the chance it gives me to relive so many of my happy childhood memories.

Not only does it give me a shedload of warm, good feelings and an ability to share stuff with my kids, it helps me relate, as a Mum, to my parents more. They did all the same things with us.

http://www.angeldelightdesserts.co.uk/

I was making Instant Whip dessert the other evening and marvelling at the fact that it still smells the same as it did when I was a kid, and my four year old asked if he could run his fingers around the bowl when I'd done. "It's the first time he's ever run his fingers around a bowl" thinks I. And it made me giggle.

And it's not just the joy of eating 'kids' puddings all the time that makes me giggle. Although Jelly, Instant Whip, Apple Crumble and Ice Cream will always make me giggle more than Tiramisu or Passion Fruit Cheesecake. My taste buds enjoy Tiramisu and Passion Fruit Cheesecake, but they're grown up puddings, not for giggling at. Jelly just downright makes me smile. Making Jelly for my kids makes me smile.

Thank You, Gruffalo

I remember the time my eldest son first got into a movie, he was about two, it was the deliciously fabulous My Neighbour Totoro.

Despite the fact that the movie's entirely in Japanese, he would sit in front of it totally entranced from start to finish, without so much as a peep. Now four, it's still one of his favourites.

Prior to that movie capturing him, only a 7 minute episode of Pocoyo could hold his attention to keep him still and quiet for any length of time.

The Time Has Come ...

... for our first born son, my little soldier, my baby boy ..... to fly the nest.

Well, okay. He's actually four and he's just finished his first week of Pre School, but it feels like he's leaving home or something.

Nah, I'm okay really. I surprised myself actually. I thought I'd be the one in tears as I waved him off that first day, but I managed to swallow the small lump in my throat and I've been fine since. Missing him, but wanting him to be there.

How's he?? Oh yeah, he's fine.

Perfect Parent ... Real Parent

Perfect Parent ...
Practises the Positive Parenting / Super Nanny approach to discipline. No shouting or smacking, down to child eye level to discuss things calmly.

This Real Parent Right Here ...
Reprimands her eldest for hitting his little brother and wonders if it’s because she lost her temper with him yesterday and smacked his bum.

Perfect Parent ...
Looks hot. She must have got up early to get ready before the kids woke up.

This Real Parent Right Here ...
Yeah right. I’m so tired there’s no chance in hell I’m getting up before the kids rouse me. On a good day I’ll have a quick shower before Hubby leaves the house and I rarely wear make up. I’ve got a make up bag with make up in so old, it would probably bring out an ugly skin condition if I used it.

Fully Charged Parenting

I'm turning 41 this year, it's a retrospective time of life methinks. I mean, "life begins at forty" must surely come from the days of getting married and having children much younger, so they would have been leaving home to start families of their own at this age. I imagine parents whose kids had all left home by forty waved their sons and daughters off on their honeymoons and then high-fived each other once the front door was closed.



Yay! The kids have moved out!
guardian.co.uk



I had my first child at 36 however, so Hubby and I have a wee bit longer before we'll be high-fiving ourselves. And we might need someone to help us lift our hands at that stage.

I can see benefit both ways. I didn't choose to have children in my late 30's, that's just when I met the man. He's nearly five years younger than me (woo hoo, Toy Boy!) and we both feel in many ways we're better parents now than we would have been if we'd met younger.

Coke in a Wine Glass

Life’s been interesting the last couple of weeks. And by ‘interesting’ I of course mean “AAAAHH!! KARMA, WTF IS GOING ON??!!” No matter how hard we worked, how right we did things, they just kept going wrong. Putting out fires all the time and not getting anywhere.

But interesting yes. Due to one very bad step, I found myself off my feet and forced to take a step back from the madness. I had to view it all from the outside fringes of the sofa. In turn, it helped me to realise what was going down in our little family at the time.

As I sit now at four in the afternoon, while the rest of the family sleep, I feel relieved that things have at last taken a turn for the better and life’s stopped being so darned friggin ridiculous. I’m catching up on some blogging and sipping coke from a wine glass. Might seem a bit odd to most but as someone who rarely drinks alcohol (and that’s another post some day) but loves pretty wine glasses, it works for me.

Most of the problems were caused or hindered by family illness and it’s made Hubby and I rethink our health a little. We’re working hard; we have two young boys who are just as affected by our stress as we are. And we never get enough sleep. I nearly typed ‘rarely’ there but that would have been inaccurate. I’ve already made huge changes to my health, weight and diet in the last ten years (see here) and I find it easier now to spot problems connected to my eating patterns, although I’m no better at keeping things up. Always slipping back to my old ways in times of stress and when we’re tired also then we just crave those instant fixes that instant and unhealthy food gives us. A week or so of this and we start dropping like flies ..

Big Shout Out to all the Mummys ... Now Go Easy on Yourselves

I don't know what category my blog falls into, or even that I need to think of it in that way, but I do remember when starting it that I didn't want it to be another Parenting or Mummy blog. I think of my family and friends reading when I blog, not the WWW. Overly excited though I am to read that someone in Malaysia and Russia is reading mine. But I try and keep mine more general so the folks at home don't get bored. Not that my parents would ever tire of hearing about the kids.

And just the fact that I have to try, think and pre plan what I write to make sure that I don't just write about being a Mum, is a testament to how much being a Mum has taken over my life.

And not that there's anything wrong with Parenting or Mummy blogs, I like reading them. One of the most wonderful things that social networking (and I'm a huge fan myself) has brought about is connection with more people. Nothing helps us validate and understand ourselves more than other bods going through all the same crap.

I search out the blogs that excite and interest me and they're at times inciteful, intelligent, well funny but often also very stressed and sad writings.

And Mum's everywhere are blogging like ce-razy because they at last have an outlet for their previously hidden thoughts and feelings about motherhood. I say it's a good thing me. May blogging do for this and future generations of mother's what Valium and Prozac did for those past. Ha!

Repeat After Me

I found this text here and had to post it, it could be my daily chant!

But don't envisage me down on knee praying, with a sweet and placid, perfect Mum smile on my face. More like muttered under my breath, through gritted teeth, few added expletives - as I investigate the surprisingly calm sounding call from my hubby "baby, I think our boy just said he tipped a tin of paint all over the back yard, don't you wanna go check? ...."

Oh give me patience when wee hands
Tug at me with their small demands
And give me gentle and smiling eyes
Keep my lips from hasty replies
And let not weariness, confusion or noise
Obscure my vision of lifes fleeting joys
So when, in years to come my house is still
No bitter memories its room may fill

Four Year Olds Thoughts

I might make a page of things the kids say, been done before I know but sometimes they're just so damn, heart tuggingly cute.

And sometimes they're so funny or so surprising, I spit my tea out. Usually whilst simultaneously snorting it up my nose. Not many people can claim to have that affect on me.

Todays created a small amount of tea spray-age and snorting and was sweet enough for me to want to pop a post up...

I was talking to my four year old about him starting a new school soon and he was concerned about missing the family while he was there.

"Be alright Mummy" he concluded "I'll find a little boy that looks like my brother, a little boy that looks like Daddy and a little girl that looks like mummy. I'll play with them all the time so I won't miss you".